I realize it is pretty shameful that I fell off the bandwagon so soon after my blogging efforts began, but I have a good excuse! Remember, that audition I was preparing for? I have been doing some soul-searching and I realized it just wasn't the right thing for me. My pride really liked the idea of a major symphony audition, and a major symphony spot. But that was all it was, just a little stroke for my ego. I remembered how much I disliked having a boss, having to rehearse on someone else's schedule, and how much I hate playing the violin while sitting in a chair. (I really prefer standing up while I play.)
Also, if I beat impossible odds, and happened to actually win a spot, would that make me happy? I would have to give up a lot of my students, and commute...I just couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to my students. Although, being a member of a professional symphony is the ultimate goal for a professional violinist, I honestly don't think I would enjoy it. So, if it wouldn't make me happy, why am I putting so much effort into it? If it isn't what I really want, why am I investing so much time, money, and stress in it?
So, I decided to withdraw. And I feel GREAT. I'm playing some pieces I have wanted to play for a while, but haven't had the time. I am eating healthy, I am spending time with my husband, and things are great. But best of all, my stress level has gone down about 100%, and my practicing is revitalized. I am starting fresh and working on some very specific technique goals. I am starting from scratch, and relearning how to play.
More to come on tackling Ravel's Tzigane!
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